Being a Dad is hard.
It really is.
Especially if you’re trying to be the best dad you can be.
I’m not talking about the guys who go to work at 6am and get home at 8pm, and have completely prioritised their work over their family, and think that’s ok.
I see that, and I feel sad for their kids and their partners, who have come to know that as ‘normal’.
I’m not talking either about the guys who come home at 5 or 6 each day, and still expect their wife/partner to do everything around the house for them, whilst they unwind, reading the paper, or being attached to a device, and then bark at their kids when they don’t do something they need them to do.
Now don’t get me wrong – distraction has its place to give you some recharge time, but everything in moderation right?
But you’re not like that are you?
You’re still reading, so you’re looking for something more…
For you, as a dad, who’s trying to be the best dad you can be, think of it this way:
How many hats do you actually wear?
A dad is one
And if you’ve got more than one kid, then you’ll wear a hat for each of them, because you can’t treat every kid the same
(While they’re younger maybe you can, but as they develop into their own person, you need to adapt with them)
So lets say you’re like me, and have a few kids
3 my side that are mine, and my partner as 3
I’m wearing the three hats for my three, as they develop on their own paths.
(I also need extra hats for the other 3, not as their dad (they have a dad), but in support of their mum and be as supportive and helpful as I can be)
Talking about their mum: We then wear a partner hat – whether a wife, a girlfriend, a partner, whatever it is your side, you need to have dedicated time there too, to make sure the relationship is strong and stays strong.
What about the friends hat?
And the family hat to other family members?
We haven’t even talked about your business yet, that’s needed to make the money?
That’s likely many hats in there too.
A boss, a co-worker, a therapist (some days), someone who has to make the hard decisions – that all falls on you.
And what about time for you too?
We haven’t talked yet about you time – time to unwind, whether active relaxing, or just taking time out for you – hobbies, mates… something…
There’s a lot we’re expected to do
Whether its society expecting it
Or those who rely on us
But there are expectations –
and usually we have the highest expectations on ourselves.
And to do this
To make sure you can handle all of this,
you need to make sure you look after yourself first.
If we want to simplify it, there are really three pillars:
- You First
- Then your Family
- And your Finances
Though all of those are usually woven together
It’s not as easy as “I’ll focus on my family and give them lots of time” if your finances aren’t in good shape
But at the same time, how can you fix finances and still give the family enough time to make sure they’re ok?
– to make sure the family wheels don’t fall off there whilst you’re trying to keep the money coming in?
This is what’s known as “balance”
At some times in our journey it’s actually really hard to get that balance right, but then it becomes about communication
- Talking with your family
- Talking with your business
- Talking with your friends
- Making sure you’re talking with yourself to make sure you’re ok
(Remember, making sure you’re ok is the biggest thing, as only you can look after you!)
And making sure that communication is a regular thing
Monitoring progress as you go
It might be income?
Though for most of my clients, its actually the time with their kids,…
so perhaps for you it’s time?
Keeping an eye on how much time you spend with your kids today – making sure its right for NOW
And talking about time with kids, its not always about quantity:
Quality is an important part of it too
I was helping a chap last week who seemed to have everything – a business that largely runs without him, money coming in, 50/50 custody with his daughter, and was asking for ideas on what he could do with his daughter
(At that point my partner, who has 20+ years experience as an early childhood educator, gave him advice which blew his mind!!)
It’s interesting as I spend most of my day’s helping other dad’s, unravelling the challenges, most of which start with “Fixing You First”
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.
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And I know, that was quite a bit I just shared, so let’s do this:
Breathe.
Take a breath.
Take a moment to think about you.
There’s a lot to get done.
As a Dad, we have a special role in our kids lives, and it’s our job to do the very best we can with what we have, to be great role models for them.
It’s not easy, it really isn’t.
I live it every day.
And whilst I have a business that largely runs itself, and I spend more time than almost any other dad I know with my girls, it’s still not easy.
But you’re not alone.
And if you want some help, let me know – my partner and I together bring a wide array of experience to help, from you, to your finances (streamlining your business), to family (fixing both quality and quantity of time), to fixing you.
My partner and I have spent years separately working on ourselves, and now together, working together to be the best versions of ourselves, for those who rely on us.
If you want some help:
you just have to ask
(And that’s ok too)
Jamie
